All you NEED to know

Hola!! I know that you may think you are well versed in this topic, but by the time I am done with this piece, you will realize that you're probably not.  So, let's start; what is a beard ?  (you're probably wondering why I am asking such an obvious question yea?). You know the general definition, - the hair that grows on the jaw, chin, upper lip, lower lip, cheeks and neck of humans. Simple right? WRONG!! I'll go ahead to define the other meaning of a beard.  " a beard is a person who knowingly or unknowingly accompanies a homosexual person to conceal the person's sexual orientation OR make the person appear heterosexual." It may be a little confusing but hear me out, it actually sort of makes sense when you consider it. Like, you know how beards help to  magnify a man's beauty OR whatever, this helps to minimize focus on  something. At the end of the day, they are both costumes and are either enunciating or hiding something.  You sha get my point. So...

Breakfast is served... Good morning, Aunty Maggi. Aunty, why are you looking at me like that? Shebi because I'm single you automatically think I want to jump on your husband's bones? (Tueh) Aunty o, why are you whispering and gossiping at Junior's birthday? (I can literally hear your loud whispers!) Abi it's because I wore crazy jean to the party you think I want to seduce your friends husbands? It's kukuma me that carried myself to come na.  Me ke? Wetin concern me abeg? Me that came because Aunty Cordelia made my favorite dish? Aunty please I'm not catwalking o, it's just how my bow legs make me walk. Trust me, I would love to sit in this seat all through the  party, but Aunty Joy and Aunty Blessing will think I'm waiting for them to serve me because I'm a lawyer now. I heard when they were talking to Cousin Jason, while I honestly do not care, I don't want you people to talk mummy's ear off. She trained me well, na me just get coconut head...