THE DANCE OF THE NIGERIAN BUYER AND SELLER

Price hackling or "Pricing" as it ís popularly called in Nigerian Parlance is a special gift that not many are opportuned to possess, which gives the holder of such gifts, the ability to hackle prices of items to the barest minimum. For example; Those really gifted can hackle prices from #10,000 to as low as #500(don't ask me how this is possible). The people in this category usually consists of Nigerian mothers🌚. There are various categories and I can't possibly give them all now. So, do well to research on this OK?

  Now, to the business of the day. Lol. I shall try my best to give you a description of what hackling in Nigeria looks like. Below is the conversation between a typical Nigerian buyer & seller. 

"Buy your better better perfume here! This one better pass Givenchy and Victoria's Secret. In fact, na we teach those people work. Rihanna dey follow buy from us o! No dey dull yourself." "Madam! Sister! Come buy now o, before price go change."

Buyer: "You this guy, you no dey do me well o." (Bear in mind that she has never gotten anything from him before)

Seller: "Ah ah! My customer, how you go talk like that na" (He has no idea who she is, but, we move!)

Buyer: "The last ones I got, they were scenting nice, but, before I reach anywhere, the scent don commot finish."

Seller: “Madame na confam scent o, latest ingredients na in dem carry fa"

Buyer: "Oga you sure say the scent dey last?"

Seller: "Na me tell you madam. I go lie give you?"

Buyer: "I no know na. Cos that last one wey I buy, before I reach house e stop to dey scent."

Seller: "No o madam maybe na the breeze from your car. If you no whine window up for express. E fit happen"

Buyer: "Which kind breeze? Me wey dey use AC. Plus, if na original, even breeze no suppose wipe am"

Seller: *sprays the perfume on a surface aggressively*

"This one wey dey  original one o, e no go comot madam"

Buyer: "I no kukuma like this scent. i dey like that one wey dem say na oil oud perfume abi wetin.

Seller: "Ok madam I get the one wey pass that one sef. But na 5tasand(Five thousand naira) madam"

Buyer: "Ehen, I fit manage am so.This guy. No come dey bring that your talk come my side o. Cos I no wan hear am. Na normal price I dey pay"

Seller: "Madam you know say dollar don go up. This one na imported o"

Buyer: "Abeg forget that talk. Dollars for United State of Aba abi?"

Seller: "No oo madam. I no fit lie for you."

Buyer:  "Na your way na. Me I just dey watch you ne. I dey pretend like say I no know."

*At this point, when they see that this particular customer is tough, they proceed to gear 2 which is called the "Psyching Stage". Here, they try to pamper your ego, to make you commit yourself. Don't fall for it!! Keep being a hard guy!*

Seller: "You know say you be confam madam you suppose dey buy classy things o. You na my person, na why i dey show you better things."

Buyer: "Na why I dey leave you sometimes be this na. Personal person wey you no dey treat well"

*Here, the customer, seeing a means to further hackle the price also changes gear to the next stage called "The threat Stage"*

Buyer: "I go soon go find new customer. If you like no dey treat me fine."

Seller: "Ah no madam no be laidat o.Oya because say na you ooo, just bring 4500 make I package am."

*blows air inside waterproof*

Buyer: "See that talk wey you wan start so, I no get time for am at all. (Remember that she has spent over 30mins hackling the price).Na 2000 I go give you."

*Pretends to walk away*

Seller": "Oya madam come make I give you make you carry go.You na my person. Bring 2,500."

*puts it inside bag to seal the deal*

*Buyer realizes that he/ she has an edge and so, proceeds to the next stage which is called " The initial garagara". At this point, the customer usually squeezes their faces to show displeasure at the situation, and to make it clear to the seller that they're doing them a favor by buying their item at such an outrageous amount.*

Buyer: "I say na 2,000 o. E suppose be 1k sef but because you be my person, take the 2k."

*The seller at this point, realizes that omo, this one na one chance o. Proceeds to be rid of the customer, in order to find bigger fishes in the sea of customers.*

Seller: "Oya carry no wahala madam. See you next time."

*Buyer proceeds with their newly acquired possession and a wide smile at a gem just gotten. Then, they proceed to the next seller.*

THE END.😇

Special shout out to Jason Omemu! He inspired this😂🤗